I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Girls should come with a carfax report
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
