I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
