Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
