I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
