I just cut my nipple shaving
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
