Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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