I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
