Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i just made my gag reflex go away.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Randomize
