I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
