I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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