Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
