would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
