Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
