I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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