Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
