hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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