Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
