I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
