I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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