Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Rumble strips road head = magical
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
