Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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