I should be sponsored by Trojan
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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