so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
