So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
