Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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