My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
My feet surprised me
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
