is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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