Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My life is pants optional.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
