He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
