just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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