alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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