Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize