cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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