I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
