My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
