I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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