I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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