Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
