I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
