just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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