I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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