You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
