Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
