it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
