OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
