yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
And then my night got REAL pukey
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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