I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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