One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize