he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
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Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
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They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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