Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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