So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
