they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
