Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
