who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
3pm strippers are depressing
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
