The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
