oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize