He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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