ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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